The Delicacy of Despair

Foie gras, French for "fatty liver", is made from the enlarged livers of male ducks and geese. Birds used for foie gras are kept in tiny wire cages or packed into sheds. Two or three times every day, up to 2 kilograms of grain and fat are pumped into the birds' stomachs through pipes that are shoved down their throats. This force-feeding causes the birds' livers to become diseased and swell to up to 10 times their normal size. Many birds become too sick to stand. The pipes sometimes puncture birds' throats, and the massive amount of food sometimes ruptures their stomachs and other internal organs.

Foie gras production is so cruel that it has been banned in 16 countries. In India, establishments such as the Four Seasons Kolkata, The Park Kolkata and Mumbai's Joss restaurant have written to PETA about their decision to stop serving this "delicacy of despair".

Please ask Taj and Oberoi to follow suit and immediately implement a policy against serving foie gras at all their hotels. Also, watch Hollywood actor Kate Winslet's video exposé revealing the cruelty behind foie gras production.

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.
Paul McCartney





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[MATTER TAKEN FROM PETA INDIA ]

Posting at 5:44 am.. Can it be anything but a mindless rant ;)

Umm..so it's going to be a long woeful tale of an average teenage drama-olic..anyway..the new college has been on for quite(weird how this word ALWAYS reminds me of this friend-enemy) ..oh yeah the new college has been on for quite a while and how do we say it..it's been Unami (the not sweet-not salty-not bitter-not sour-flavour)..or rather putting it like the German teacher..it's been SO-LA-LA..(way your hand in a frantic 50-50 action) ..
Umm..anyway more than anything else..it has been a learning experience..lesson no 1. Friends aren't forever.. Not to be taken in a wrong way..cause my friends are here to stay forever..but all that I meant was that life at one point does become 'I am all I have' affair..oh well ofcourse all my friends of life are here..but the one person I am needed to spend the most amount of time is   Strangely somebody I didn't ever acknowledge the existence of..ME..! anyway I have thus concluded that ME iq a nice person all in all..just a tad bit dramatic ..with all the drama constantly brewing up in Me's own mind..but then it's okay..I like her for that..also Me us trying to grow nails (see for you it's useless ..but for Me and me..it's a huge thing :p)
Lol..no I haven't gone bonkers..but then I have always been dramatic when it came to changes..and being thrown into a numb environment after all the warmth of Blue Bells and Miranda House..was a HUGE emotional setback..I swear I needed a friend like I never did..and since the only one who quite understood my 'drama' was my ownself ..I for a while had this weird sense of irritation at everything else..then it eventually got into me that I was a wannabe..'trying to fit in'..and the only one friend I thought I will stick to till I get over the hormonal turbulence was umm..to be fair over-burdened with the pomp I carry around..hence another lesson..2. People who care for you aren't 
Magicians ..give them a break..!
Anyway ..my bhabhi emerged out to be a HUGE support ..the one person I wanted to rush back to each day...I have fallen in love with her..and umm..guys.. I am just so proud of her that just the thought of her made me smile SO WIDE !
anyway my family touchwood is my life..and hence the storm gets it's peace the moment I think of them..and bhabhi is now a part of my special clan..
What next..oh yes..a lot of friends think I've been ignoring them..and weird is how I don't even feel like justifying my stand..it's like it somehow had become so numb on the emotional   Side that stuff had stopped disturbing..( the late night emotional outbursts continue..but then that's who I m ;) ) 
I do have grown fond of these two guys in class..and since acceptance has become something I don't even bother to look for now..I love the time I spend with them..like some moments actually feel warm enough to think about later..

It's weird cause hadn't talked to anybody for months now..'jobless' maybe my mind is..bit feels nice to let it out..I miss an integral part of who I am..what that part is..umm..I dunno..but I guess it is okay to live with a void..probably that is how life is for everybody else..maybe it all had come really late for me..maybe you are meant to live with boundaries..maybe you aren't meant to burden others with your thoughts..but I really don't think anybody's going to read this long an entry..and it feels really light to talk to nobody at all..oh yes..another lesson..3. Nobody has the time to decipher metaphors.. There never will be that one reader you've waited for so long..so you may for a while write and accept..your voice is meant to go unheard.. ;)

That girl in yellow boots.. (as i see it)

I wish I could tear off a piece of the emotional high I am experiencing right now and serve it in black on white , for maybe that is the only way I could justify the magic ‘That girl in yellow boots’ is and describe atleast a fraction of the spell it casted on me ..
Now before I begin with the review , please know this is my first ever review of someone’s work and I don’t really know how do we critique someone else’s brainchild.. so what follows is my critical appreciation of the movie I just watched and loved.. (you may skip it as it’ll be long boring and well.. it’ll be the entire story so ..yes *spoiler alert* :p)

We went for ‘That girl in yellow boots’ solely because there was no other movie in the time slot and we couldn’t bear watching salman thrust his pelvic or whatever weird bodypart he has to offer this time and hence we expected a torture as we entered the movie talking about who is re-funding the money wasted..
So loaded with our ammunition consisting of two veg salads, to non-veg salds and four large cold drinks .. Here we begin

The review :
This film is not from the parallel world of cinema and contrary to what most reviewers say..this film is not for a small section of the society for in the true sense of cinema this is what each one of us is and this movie is exactly about our life ..
The movie talks about a British national, Ruth, who has come to India in search of her father who left her mother and herself following the death of her 15 year old step-sister Emily who committed suicide following a pregnancy.
Ruth ends up in mumbai’s underbelly , working as a masseuse and giving people handshakes, happy endings or whatever you call rubbing a penis for 1000 rupees a favour. The reason for a british national to come all the way across the globe and take such desperate measures is a handwritten letter addressed to her by her father ‘Arjun Patel’ , the only thing to drive her search for her long lost father. The letter in turn is an apology from her father for leaving her family and also proclaims his love for her and how he longs to meet her once again. And hence, she leaves back her mother and elopes to India in search of her father someone who she believes loves her and is waiting for her ..’without conditions’
For she has a cocaine-addicted boyfriend who carries condoms around , lying on top of her every chance he gets , and when she pushes him away .. his honest question .. ‘so why do you want to meet me..to hold hands and look into your eyes’ … (personally makes me wonder if actually love is just a fancy name given to lust..?) . the boyfriend lands up in trouble with a south Indian goon, and the ‘protective boyfriend’ calls her a whore for serving every dick in the world is more than ready to take the same money to save his sorry ass ..and yet again when he is frustrated … the lover in him says.. “fuck me.. for what difference is it between me and your other clients.. make me feel special..for who am I in your life” … he is once again seen slapping her when she goes to serve a friend at the embassy in a desperate hope of meeting her father..

The guy(about 50-ish) from the embassy … calls her ‘love’ .. he is educated and holds position. And the first time you see him talk , you are sure of how nice a man he is , the reel rolls on and you realize he indeed is just a man, with a dick …who invites her over to dinner in exchange of helping her find her father.. you meet the elite of our society when they in their Armani whisper …”tell them your age..they’ll like it… how old are you.. 20..oh wonderful”

The average babu from embassy goes on for holidays to goa.. taking bribes for the same.. and when his body starts aching.. well he wants a handshake as well.. ..

The goon we talked about when we discussed Ruth’s boyfriend breaks into her house to recover the money her boyfriend had damaged .. he takes 57,000 cash..and well the rest kind.. he too wants a handshake.. and hence we meet the gangster..an average man with a dick..
The post master is played by one of my favourites ‘Makrand Deshpande’ and even with the 60 second role he’s worth a mention..cause’ well this is my blog and he’s my fav :D ..anyway here we come across the second most lusted for thing after flesh..’money’

Then we have another personal favourite ‘Naseeruddin Shah’ portraying the little good that human is, the good that is hard to find but the good that we sure hope does exist..for our sake.. for when he says you are magic and exits after saying ‘god bless you’ ,thanking her for being the reason for him keeping well..the little compliment brought a smile to my face.. what touched me more was his disappointment when he gets to know about the ‘handshakes’ , the right he believes and the trust he had instilled in a perfect stranger was my definition of a perfect human being.. my favourite lines by him .. “yes I have a right to speak about her life.. I have a right over everybody I love..everybody I care about’ and yes the magic ‘beta’ he says.. and even though adi had said he’s the father..i was secretly wishing for him to be the good guy throughout the movie.. :)

Also we have the mother , I imagine her as a woman who chose to be a victim and hence being the average woman with a society and a chaste tag.. the mother lost her daughter to a monster and still let him go, instead of punishing the maniac responsible for such a horrible deed , she maintained ‘dignity’ by keeping quiet and erasing him out of her and her second daughter’s life .. she wants the second daughter to be a ‘good girl’ stops her from clubbing, forces the ‘ideal woman tag’ on her second daughter.. which in my opinion highlights the mindset of the society.. for she lets go of the rascal who killed her own daughter and by setting up pre-set behaviour norms for her second girl she re-inforces the fact that she held her daughter ‘Emily’ responsible for getting pregnant.. for well it was her womb anyway.. what happened does not even matter..for was it a rape..for was she forced..or was the 15 year old influenced.. naah.. that does not matter.. what matters is she wasn’t a good girl ..she wasn’t chaste anymore.. and even if she did not think so.. not punishing the man responsible and instead forcing the second daughter into society based shackles somehow hints largely at who she thought was wrong and where she wanted corrections.. or maybe she indeed was broken at the hands of fate..maybe the mistrust had shattered her ..and maybe she wanted her second daughter to be as safe as she could be..for she had lost both her own faith and her child to the ‘man’ ..and hence she kept quiet about what happened with Emily for maybe the memories were to painful or maybe she was too broken to extract any revenge and wanted respect for her dead daughter and safety for her present child.. her disapproving abortion may have religious reasons and maybe she indeed had acceptance for Emily .. or maybe Emily felt the same unacceptance Ruth felt ..but I personally liked to believe Emily’s demise for which maybe she held herself responsible made the mother a protector out of desperation.

And of course..Ruth finds her father, she finds a lead from an ashram her father was a member of..where she was told he had changed his name from “Arjun Patel” to “Benjamin Patel” and had another name ‘Ojus’in the ashram..where he is described 'weird'.. the father was one of her clients shown staring at her bra strap and was a loyal ‘regular’ customer ..he had also been stalking her all the while and her all the days she desperately rubbed random strangers private parts he knew she was his daughter and infact would visit her to get his own happy ending.. he claims ‘loving’ Emily and now Ruth as well and his idea of love is fucking.. a role executed really nicely by a guy with horrible blond-ish hair , he is a pedophile and is a mentally unstable person.. the ending is somewhat like a light stinging drizzle after a storm of emotions.. and I wanted her to kill him .. I could actually feel Ruth’s disgust each time he said .. “it was your mother’s fault..but I loved Emily..i love you..”
Ruth’s character is a brilliant portrayal of raw human emotion, played ‘brilliantly’(excuse my vocabulary..or the lack of it :p) by ‘Kalki Koechalin’ ..
[I overheard a lady say..Anurag is obsessed with his wife..And also fleetingly read that Anurag has said he wont work with Kalki again..which I believe will be a loss for the Indian cinema..as nobody could have worked better than Kalki.. for somebody atleast is making sensible cinema and their team is like none other..it is a shame that people call this obsession but in my opinion nobody in our industry could have done justice with Ruth except for Kalki and Anurag..so screw you aunty..!]
Anyway Ruth’s character in my opinion is essayed so beautifully and yet can be summarized by a simple statement when she says (to her boyfriend) … “ my mother wants me to be a saint .. you want to fuck me.. the client want their happy endings.. but what about me.. even I need somebody who loves me unconditionally ..somebody who listens to me..”
She describes her father as someone who loved her step-sister and as a five yeard old she always wanted the same love..so much so that she wished her elder sibling dead.. Innocent human mind’s desperation for love and acceptance surfaces and when she says her sister would keep Ruth’s hand on her belly and cry and eventually committed suicide , you can feel the fear in her heart ..for sex for her is more than carnal desires…it is the reason she lost her sister when she was only five..when she did not even know what lust was..
People may dismiss her as a whore for serving other people’s lust , and yet when you look her trying to talk to her boyfriend or her clients as she served them… you feel for her simple need of somebody who listens.. a scene initially shows her trying to talk to a client as she served him..when he says not trying to be rude..but can you please keep quiet..and though you dismiss the scene as just another man and his dick..you later are told the same man is her father …and you realize how much we’ve accepted on the name of ‘men will be men’ ..and how low have we stooped..
We see her meeting men from various strata’s of the society.. and yet we see them all lying naked in front of her..sometimes we see her braving the situation with wit..sometimes we her helplessly giving into the situation.. we see her serving stranger’s lust ..we see her fighting her own lover’s lust.. we see her realizing she lost her family to lust..and yet we see her fighting back.. and we see it all raw and real..
____________________________________________________________________________________

Amazing how strong the character was..and amazing how many questions it has left in my mind.. almost like a part of me has gone numb inside… this movie is the most beautiful piece of art I’ve ever seen..maybe this movie stripped off all my fears and brought them to surface.


I cross my heart and thank god for the life he has given me.. for I am scared to think further.. too scared of the world.. and it’s honest ways..

The Walls..

The walls are closing in..
and I promise I am not exaggerating but I am too big for this room ..

I am tired of being a fool.. somebody’s regret..someone else’s charity..
And the walls are closer than they ever were..

I am scared.. the roughness of the bricks scratching my skin..
And I wonder how can I cry and be so happy within..

How can it be so easy for you..
to say you wish the part of me in your life was erased forever
can you not see ..the walls are closing in.. ?

I am not a lover.. a dreamer in past
I do not know why I hurt ..And I am tired of being forgiven…
Can you not see.. the walls are closing in..?

Why am I supposed to justify the hurt..
Why am I a sour loser..
I have tears and they wont rest till they burst..
And you say there are no walls around me..

I am no chaste priest..and I am no whore..
I am just me..searching an identity..
So why do I see a ruined paradise..
The you say the walls were built by me..

Of whoever I had..and whoever I’ve trusted..
Is in number here..right beside me..
But where is the love… I would so boast about..
And you say there are no walls that you can see..

Hey.. wait.. listen to the silence..
The silence that surrounds my being..
The lining of sands..on the seas unseen..
Can you see the walls ..right where ..they’ve always been…

Of self-doubt was my poison ..
I’d happily inject..
And self-loathe was my den to subsist in..
And now that you’ve made up this plastic cocoon..
Can you please..somehow see the walls killing me..

the setting sun..

It is a long walk ahead..
The mirrors dusty..and I cannot see..
For it is a long walk ahead..
And I already wish to give up..

I had many eyes when I had first painted the horizon..
I lost a few.. some I had shut tight ..

My hands are a little weak now..
Whatever I once held.. on the floor..
Broken.. I am not sure..
Beyond reach.. maybe..

So I hold on to everything I can feel around me..
And hence I fall flat on the face..
I re-visit the old yellow pages..
Nobody picks up the call..nobody is listening..

Probably the last call was wasted on a useless smile..
Probably the last few tears shed on a vain laugh..

Of what had always been there..
What was always supposed to stay..
Is no longer in sight..
Somehow slipped off..all this while held tight..
it isn’t a material missing off the shelf..
not a person less in the book..
it is just the self we're supposed to love the most…
it is just the setting sun..

wishlist #1 .. :)

I WISH TO….!!

1. Tell the complete truth to my loved ones.. hate lying about some specific stuff x-(

2. Complete my secret wish… :D … *THE UNMENTIONABLE INDEED*

3. Steal something from a mall kee shop.. even if a chotu sa eraser..BUT I HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN .. [-(

4. Own a pretty white gown.. the worlds most beautiful wedding gown.. and loads of vintage gowns..

5. ABUSE the hellish people (read fake relatives) I hate so much x-(

6. Meet a few friends .. specific few friends.. and sort the mess x-/

7. Loose the specific few fears.. *_*

8. Stop caring about random shit.. and poopsters.. :-&

9. Go on a long random drive with a friend.. sleep in the car at nights.. go to random roadside ruins and click pics.. eat from the roadside farm shacks.. spend maybe weeks like this ( a lot like love..elongated..and sans the sex -_- )

10. Go on a nation wide tour alone..(maybe a friend..if they plead well enough :-/) ..and travel light..

Umm… that’ll be all for now.. :D .. more coming soon :D .. ummmmmmmm… what do you wish for ……………….. :-) ……………. !!

Understand..

It rains slowly in my mind,
Drizzling softly on the window pane.
The world is a lot slower as I blink,
Nothing inside me feels the same.

There are thoughts and dreams and wishes in my mind,
Treasured preciously in the memory lane.
The world is so much better as I think,
Pain and sorrow are never the same.

The images all pretty in my mind,
The sounds of ocean in each grain.
The world of magic connects missing every link,
A lonely heart does not stay the same.

And as I step on the sands of time..
My footprints are erased as they form..
The real of the unreal haunts me now..
The stranger winds carry me away from home..

The voices in my head they shout and scream..
The voices without now speak..
The silence in my heart is unheard somehow..
The silence desperately now shrieks..

And I talk in black..
And I write in red…
Of death and decay and loss..
For all I want is a place somehow..
And a heart which sees the unseen…

And yes I will rip and slay your flesh..
Those who say you’re near..
Cause I am torn inside ..
Lost in a storm ..
Each stinging tear to tear.

And so I am quiet..
Hush.. now dead..
And you won’t ever know what I didn’t speak..
The silence of the veiled heart..
The silence lost somewhere amidst the shriek..

There is a world inside my mind..
Where I am numb..and I am dead..
The world haunts me sometimes..
And you don’t have to understand..

MORE POOP..!! :D

okay.. so a perrfuucct survey for the jobless clan :D .. put your playlist on shuffle..and hit next for the answers :D

1. How am I feeling today?
Shuffle says: Dilli hardcore (no one killed jessica) *lol.. now this was a good start*

2. Where will I get married?
Shuffle says: Tanha dil ..tanha safar (best of shaan) *lmao.. you cannot make this stuff up*

3. What is my best friend's theme song?
Shuffle says: Born this way (lady gaga) *lol.. okay.. urrmm…*

4. What was high school like?
Shuffle says: Patjhad (faridkot) *gosh..freaking me out now.. :p*

5. What is the best thing about me?
Shuffle says: who says (selena gomez) *eerr..who says disney dolls cannot come up with a good song) :-/

6. How is today going to be?
Shuffle says: better than revenge (taylor swift) *lmao.. this was good..lol lol lol*
7. What is in store for this weekend?
Shuffle says: after the war (indian ocean) *hehehe.. yeah okay.. :p*



8. How is my life going?
Shuffle says: wake me up when september ends (greenday) *aaah.. would happily have my life this melodious* :)

9. What song will they play at my funeral?
Shuffle says: leaving on a jet plane (john denver) *would actually want this.. freaky good* :) ^super smile^

10. How does the world see me?
Shuffle says: back to december (taylor swift) *errmm..okay world..but umm…yeah okay..i am a happier person -_-*

11. What do my friends really think of me?
Shuffle says: bandeh (indian ocean) *urrmmmm :-/*

12. Do people secretly lust after me?
Shuffle says: mit jaye gum … (dum maro dum) ..*I know it makes no sense.. but lmao.. me in the item number :D*

13. How can I make myself happy?
Shuffle says: goodbye again (john denver) *one of the songs I want on my funeral.. :) *

14. What should I do with my life?
Shuffle says: jugni (devd) * -_-*

15. Will I ever have children?
Shuffle says: why they call it falling (leann wommack) *LMAO.. okay bad imagery struck me..real bad*

16. What is some good advice?
Shuffle says: kuch is tarah (atif aslam) *real good advice indeed :)*

17. What do I think my current theme song is?
Shuffle says: leaving on a jet plane (john denver) *gladly so :) *
18. What does everyone else think about my current life?
Shuffle says: baadshaah in jail (indian ocean) *oh well.. lol..what do I say.. :p thank you everyone :”>*

19. What type of women/men do you like?
Shuffle says: sunshine on my shoulder (john denver) *oh yes indeed.. :) *
20. Will you get married?
Shuffle says: looking for space (john denver) *not good news future husband..not good news*

21. What should I do with my love life?
Shuffle says: take me home,country roads (john denver) *oh future husband.. not good news again*

22. Where will you live?
Shuffle says: thayn thayn (dum maro dum) *well that explains a lot -_-..*

23. What will your dying words be?
Shuffle says: my sweet lady (john denver) *HOLY SHITE.. freaky..in a gay-lesbian way..but aah the song :) *

24. When I'm having sex, I say...
Shuffle says: on the wings of a dream (john denver) *no comments :-/ ..none at all*
25. When I meet a guy/girl for the first time I say...
Shuffle says: cry cry (jhootha hee sahi) *L.M.A.O. epicc…!! Sado-masochism here :p *

random poop time..!

just saw this awwweesoommeee movie ... 'beauty and the briefcase' .. and urrmmm... yeah it is an hillary duff flick and yapp yapp..but the idea of mr.perfect being an actual 0 on 10..is actually nice.. :p .. and infact anything else in life being exactly opposite of how we always wanted it..
anyway holidays ROCK..!
i get to friggin' laze around poora din..
I get to sleep whenver i want to..and wake through the nights..
i get to watch as many movies as i wish to..
i get to go out almost each day with friends if i wanna..
though my friends are all gone.. but still.. all in all..the pro's rape the cons list..

what more..yeah..leaving delhi unv. .. won't really miss the college except for four people..prachi..niti..ipsita and naina... everybody else.. well didn't really notice anybody else in my 12% attendance days :">
which reminds me.. amity wants 100% attendance with 25% medical allowed in case you take a leave.. so 75% ATTENDANCE.. -_- *yeah like that's going to happen* ..
i hate going to a new place..HATE IT..! the fear of not making friends is already killing me.. and the high-school goggles are setting in for miranda house.. :( ..

anyway.. to the dissers who have their own theories about me changing colleges..and to the dawgs who think i am playing with my future.. 'umm... not needed.. opinions..not needed'..

blaah.. enough of jabbering..what more.. hell yeaah.. DONT YOU THING DREW BARRYMORE AND PREITY ZINTA ARE FRIGGIN' TWINS :O ..!!


AREN'T THEY FRIGGIN' TWINS :O...!!!


(ISN'T IT CUTE IN A VERY RETARDED WAY how i post absolute nothing in here :p and still hope somebody is reading it :p )

random shit...

so often..i've heard people go..'oh then i stopped caring' ... that it honestly has started scaring me now..and though it does not really matter of what the others think about me..or if they'll care long enough...the scariest part of the 'and i stopped caring saga..' is how many people did i stop caring for.. ? and worse.. what about the sheets of life i just cannot seem to tear off into oblivion.. is it weird for me to go back to a certain 2008 every once in a while..am i a stalker cause i somehow follow every bloody soul i met that fucking year..and with so many fucking emotions mixed in my mind like some weird cocktail i shoot up hitting right in my soul..i want them happy..i want them successful..but i cannot bloody cope up with the fact that the asses have rubbed off what is still a major part of my life.. i have seen people go..oh they left iita pehley ..the anger was okay then..but now...' FUCK..!! what has changed now.. ?? for my world still revolves around them stepping in.. and when they did..i remembering signing no contract that would ensure just 3 years of me stalking em...oh well i do remember a 'even death won't do us apart' ..so hell try killing me..i have certain notion of friendship...and i continue believing in the same..i friggin' want you here...why..?? cause u promised so..!! and hell you have every right to bloody ignore my ass off.. but then again..let us see who wins..
hell..i feel angry..and angry is good.. for i havn't been angry for so long now.. like some weird spirit has stayed on..and *ahem*..all i have had today was in the likes of thumbs up and coke..oh wait pepsi as well..anyway..who needs booze to fucking rant..but then excuse the grammar..cause hell i am pretty zonked up and sleepy.. -_-
anyway..HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE...*arrrrrrrrrgh*... it kills me when i see an aunty giving me a bad look in metro..bloody kills me when i feel a stranger thinks low of me..HOW CAN YOU GUYS NOT CARE..!! not complaining .. ! no sire.. you are the masters anyway.. but hmm..do not give me the shit..you hold the true silent pain of unspoken scourge..UP YOURS..!! you rationale asses..i've seen each one of you at your worst..heard you cry..and then heard you zombies abuse..and then heard people pass judgement.. and EACH BLOODY thing made me angry.. the anger stays on..i do not really remember the events..trust me..it is all so misted along with whatever emotions i would once feel..but your names.. dude..they bring up a storm..i am tired..TIRED of trying to hold upright in the stoic most posture and say i do not care what a certain someone miles away thinks of me.. but anyway..news..I DO CARE..!! and sheesh....may god bless you enough for you to care..not about me..not bout the past..it is gone..long gone..and your perfect asses will spoil my territory.. but may the lord bless you ..may you care about the present.. may god bless my soul for me to never go looking back at you guys..may i never hope you're fine.. but anyway.. stay happy..stay blessed.. rationale..arrghh..your world..your choice..may my guardian always bless me with a thousand more emotional storms.. for that is who i am.. and may i stay this way..forever and always..

i MISS the good ol' sanity .. :">

i miss the old Disney channel .. i miss lizzie.. phil .. derek.. the recess gang.. i even miss raven...

i also hate the semi-clad mileys and demis .. and how i smirk when these blokes french kiss and do all yucky stuff when a mere kissie on gordo's cheek by lizzie could create unmatchable magic..

i miss the times when drake and josh would come along spongebob on the nick channel..and when pogo took pride in oswald..bob the builder and yesh PINGU..!

infact i miss the ol' and comfy pranks by the bakra people ..and the unforgettable dekh bhai dekhs.. small wonders.. jubaan sambhal key and what not..

GOD I MISS IT ALL..!!

To the emotional atyaacharies and the splitsville creatures..to the weird big boss clan and everybody else who has grown up just too fast for me to actually accept the change..
do plan you to leave.. ? as in..just bring back the good ol' days once.. have shekhar suman do what he does the best.. in dekh bhai dekh and yeh hey india meri jaan..instead of the papaya look and filthy humour on the name of slapstick..

can we just once have properly dressed teens like you and me on star one rather than weird creatures on ALMOST gone skirts..
anybody..remember GUBBARE... !!

gawd.. i youtube it all now.. i watch dekh bhai dekh.. i wouldn't lie and say the modern t.v brought nothing..the sarabhai's and khichdi were awesome..!! but they've left as well..and rakhi is suddenly the NEW judge.. yes.. how i met your mother..bones.. even lie to me.. are blessings.. but then f.r.i.e.n.d.s was a legend.. so was YES MINISTER..

anyway.. pointlessly ranting on.. so help me.. tell me about the shows you watch..and the shows you miss.. what era of television viewing would you call your own.. and anything else :p ...just blabber on ... :p

ocean.. (an apology)

And then I take the next step..
I look back..
Beautiful prints on nature’s golden..
The child in me now ecstatic..
I’ve left a mark.. it’ll last forever..
And then you come..
You erase it ..
You ruthless scoundrel ..
You heartless beast…

Your waves..
Splash across my canvas…
And you selfishly obliterate my passion..
Don’t you feel any pain..
When you take it all away..
When you destroy my name..
When You suck in the sand..
Leave behind a void..
And where once were my foot prints..
You let someone else tread..
You let new flesh..
Touch you…
Embossing their signature..
On sand… that they promised was mine..

Agh.. you selfish beast…

And now my world hates you..
I’ve told them all how cruel your actions were..
How you ended it without a warning..
And how you let someone else take my place..
With just a wave…
I’ve told them all about your storms..
And how you wiped out existence..
And also how you made it all too humid to even breathe..
And how you barbarously suffocate…

The sun had gone back for now..
People back in their bones..
It is just you and me for a while..
Though you may’nt see it..
And I’ve lost the right to complain..

So I look at you..
Distance separating us..
You no longer drench me..
And I guess my flesh was never a reason enough..
And I ask you..
‘why’

You bring upon a storm..
You throw me back..
Oh bastard..
How I loathe our very unison..
So I walk off..
Atleast I turn..
And I take another step..
To realize..
Another print..
Another mark..


I look at you..
This time..
Your vastness shows me..
The liquid of your sorrow..
Unshared..

Of how it was just about my steps..
My sand..
My marks..

And never about your waves..
Waves begging for mercy..
Asking me to stop walking..
Like arms out-stretched..
Pleading me to pause..
Just for a while..
And listen to the melody..unsung..
The ode..unsaid..

Now I am far away..
And I may never dare return..
Cause I know..
Your breeze is too strong to give me another chance..
And my muscle to weak to even try..

But I guess I can see beneath the unruffled surface..
And that I can see through
The unreasoned prejudice..

I can now see you twitch ..
Just a little..
When the sun goes down your throat..

And the tides..
Who push you..and throw you off..
Are now visible..
Faintly though..

And now I see..
How you stand there alone..
Washing off prints..
As you hold on and hope..
That someday..
Someone..
Won't..
Walk this fast..


((pssst...! lol.. using my poems..or any part of it for your girlfriend or boyfriend is strictly prohibited and can be seriously injurious to your health..!! ))

the end :)

when i leave this land ..
when my time is up..
will you shed a tear for me..

will it be a tear of remembrance..
or will you cry for others see..

he looked down.. there attending his funeral were a handful few, he hadn't had the best of lives to earn him any admirers but lucky he claimed was his being for he had the love of some really special people..



spoke his father..
his strength.. a little worn..

he was my soul..
a part of me..
my seed ..my own soil..
i nurtured him..he fed my core..
with love more than this universe dares store..

now he leaves me.. and joins his mother..
i guess i will follow you..
but just know my son.. you were all i hath.. and am proud of life and death with you

for all my being.. my existence you were..
the reason i did ever breathe..
but live lot more..and smile greater.. in all generations ..i promise we meet
so he sent down a dew..with love..with care..and sent down a kiss ..ice sheet


he hath my soul..
and he never did even knew..
i loved him with tears silent..
oblivious his being ..
i kissed his air..as one-sided my love grew..

you walked ahead..
and paced with grace..
as flings you got into..
you wondered why i stood still in time..
why no hand i held..
of what was wrong..
you saw it all.. and felt everything..
but never saw me waiting for you..

spoke his beloved childhood friend..
someone maybe he loved too...

with a drop of dew he sent down love..love pure..virgin.. untouched..
chaste a story ..he smiled ..with clouds..and with a silent thunder.. 'i love you too'


brother..you were..
much more than yet..
you and i shared no blood ..no reason to stand together..
yet together we were..as fate ensured..
and together you said ..end we would..

now gone you are..
and alone i stand..
with tears of gratitude..
but trust me ..soul mate..
if heavens would let..
i would trade my breath for you...

spoke with care..spoke ..now weak..
his friend of years.. his partner of dreams

another dew he sent now .. this one bright with mischief.. with pranks and talks..and trifles and love.. a dew too tangled.. yet so sweet..
love was all you had.. by brother who shared soul..
incomplete was i..nothing at all.. when you came ..spelled it whole..


master you were..
being mine..
i was someone who wouldn't even speak..
yet your hands moved ..
through white fur of me..
and i felt heaven as you would call thee..

thought his mate.. a dog ..he stared..
with eyes of most pure love..with paws perfect..
and a smile that missed with most pain..
and eyes that lost all glee..

a dew now sent .. with care ..most love.. for gratitude to now speak.. and thank his mate.. for selfless love.. and thank him for his being..
your fur i will..always find my heaven in..and love you for your silent speech

but now as he spoke..
some deceive poured in..
his best friend..or so he thought..

malice was in the heart of his wife..
shocked he was..
turned a turn..
and with rage he let out a cry...

and more of odium showered in..
as people other..paced in..
thunder grew dense..
storms blew thin..
and all he wanted was his handful few...

then an angel came in..
and held his hand...
said time was up..
and time to go..

he had one wish..
one final call..
asked him to demand so..

suddenly calm..
and tranquil his heart..
he said..
'just take care of my four'


and then it rained all night..
some sweet dew drops..
on four special people with pure hearts..
but rained even more..
a forgiving cleanse.. on those who didn't love..
and those who needed love..

for death now brought..
realisation of..
there is so much we
fail to see..
fail to speak..
fail to feel ..even more..

and once it is late..
too late it is..
forgive.. and love..
and spread some bliss...

for you know never..
when time does come..
and when it is too late..
to thank someone

it ain't all that late...

Masks for a face.. you realise how the world works..
Alas it is too late…

So were you a joke…
For the heart you kept close..
And was it all a façade..
When you thought heavens rose..

No..no..dear soul..
Hold on a little more..
And smile a little longer..
There’s still a lot in store..

The storm will give way to seas..
And you feel what you couldn’t be..
Your hands will rise.. a hand to hold..
Mystical warmth to shadow the cold..

Listen thy noble core..
These people who leave you…
They aren’t yet ready for truth…
And the love you keep in there..

So my dearest fella..
My gem of a heart..
Smile a little..
Yet another start…

And hell no..
I do not say..
You do not wait..
I just say erase the dismay…

So wait for the impossible..
My proud little spirit..
And hug your sads..for all the warmth they can spare..
They ask for hundred..a million you give it..

But nada..you stop..
And don’t you give up..
This cyclone clears..
And pure light shows through…

A magical world..
White clad men…
Where pure is the soul..
And pure are emotion…

Where none will laugh..
Where you will smile..
And all of it waits for you..
lest you surrender this mile…








:) stay happy :)

TO THE BHAUKAAL PURUSH

we were both idiots when i first saw you..
i close my eyes...
and the flashback starts...
you're standing there..
in the canteen in burger air..

see mosquito bites...
see stale pantry..debate banners..
i see you blabbering about sachin tendulkar..
and little did i know...

that you were swappu..
you were going to be my best friend..
and then PD said..
stay away from delhi girls..
i was laughing and choking..
somewhat ho ho ho ho...

and i said..
swappu take me somewhere i can find MR. S.V.M..
i'll be waiting..all there's left is his girlfriend to be dumped..
you'll be bobby and i'll be michael jackson...
it's a silly story...swappu just say yesh...done ;)

i scream out when i see a call from you..
we never keep quiet ..cause we're already brain dead ..they already know...
so close your eyes..
and escape sanity forever and smile...

cause you were swappu..
i was THE BESTEST DEBATOR ((he he ha ha ha))
and then that PD said ..stay away from delhi girls
you were anyway losing to me..
i was laughing as you spoke on your turn..
and i said..

swappu take me somewhere i can find MR. S.V.M..
i'll be waiting..all there's left is his girlfriend to be dumped..
you'll be bobby and i'll be michael jackson...
it's a silly story...swappu just say yesshhh done...;)

swappu.. now save me..
they try to get me see the REAL 0_0
this world is difficult.. and feels euucckk...
i am so afraid.. and that MONSTROUS mess..
it is just our silly story na..
swappu make me say YESH :(


you got tired of waiting..
but hey i called exactly at 1 am..
you're bhaukaal was fading
when my torra took over the town..
and i said...

swappu please save me..
i have' been feeling SHO SHO SHO ALONE...
i keep studying.. but mr. maths is SHO hard to come
is there absolutely nothing in my head.. i dunno how to think..

you knelt to the ground and told me about the story of that ring..

and said.. dian laugh now
you look better that way ..just bhaukaal
i love you..and i know you know thats just all
i talked to the darn god.. go study some physics
this is A HAPPY STORY... say yesh yesh yesh yesh... :p


oh oh oh oh
cause' we were both idiots when i first saw you


((btw bhai.. i made some stuff from your pics... lmao.. bhai bhai bhai... tumhey mujh par bharosa hota hee kyun hey))

and dear god..may MR. S.V.M and his girlfriend stay strong forever and ever..
may god bless all these kids.. just a silly song.. please god..please please know tht

10 things...

10 things…


I love

1. Family ((includes my angels and animals))
2. emotions
3. honesty
4. payal mam
5. cricket
6. crying :p
7. making a difference
8. being wrong
9. singing
10. dancing.. like just dancing ...and dancing in the most carefree manner.. with my hands swaying.. hair gone haywire.. jumping and shouting...

i believe in

1. karma
2. astrology/tarot ((staunch believer))
3. being honest no matter what price one has to pay..odium esp. should be naked
4. lying for someone's happiness is better than a truth ((i know contradictory but something i strongly believe in))
5. expressing myself.. ((makes me assure myself..i live))
6. somethings do last forever.. like love :)
7. girls and guys can be just friends.. ((yes and very good friends :) ))
8. bowing down in front of people you is always worth it
9. those who hate me..should know i am sorry...
10. not everything happens for the best


i am thinking of write now...

1. i have my microphone's puff on my finger and it looks silly.. and i am kissing it every 2 seconds
2. why do some people matters so very much without one justifiable reason..
3. i should die before any of my loved ones
4. the puff is now on my little finger... :p... and i am making weird signs.. aww.. rahul kee yaad aa gayi.. i love him so much.. esp. his love you messages.
5. palash sen.. i can actually marry a guy with a voice like that
6. why was vishu bhaiya talking about my marriage ..woh bhee har doosra sentence -_-
7. i love vishu bhaiya like loons.. like he is everything i wish to be.. actually a mixture of him and taru bhai
8. the puff back to my pointing finger.. hey ricky ponting.. god.. i hate him hey..i heard lee's girl misses him.. hey i am glad i am single.. and hey.. i plan to remain so forever..esp. with brothers like mine :p
9. i am joining a gym soon.. i don't even know why..
10. the puff's in my mouth :p


WHAT DO I DO NEXT ???

The sky is falling

Howling orphan, moaning widow...
A shattered glass window...

Look up there...
The heaven just lost her love...
Falling down her corpse... these blame-worthy drops...

A streak of light...
Separation stained thunders...
On her knees now... this hapless whore...

Blood see-through, tears unfathomed...
Grey of mascara blackening fear...
Her folded limbs... she knows no reason...

The sky is falling...
No monsoon...
The sky is falling...
A cloudburst...

Exhausted bride, unborn child...
A tamed tide's wild...

Tresses spread across...
A carcass raped recent...
Diminishing light of life... Evitable ends encroach

A freak's disguise
Some silent scourge stills...
Misted fading vision... difficult to choose one he...

Veins outlined silver, white wails wronged...
Rouge outdone reddening disgust
Her devastated dreams... She lost her rhyme...

The sky is falling...
No monsoon...
The sky is falling...
A cloudburst...

A blood-stained aisle...
He never looked back...
Her lover...the untamed sovereign
The cheater... An apparent ocean

Hidden beneath the obvious...
Veiled under the visible...
Her womb... the cloud...
The father... an unseen marine

A wronged rejoice...
He isn't who he seems...
Her deity...the feral fiend...
The swindler...a perceived devotee

Buried below the witnessed...
Masked behind the major...
Her cry... his separation...
The maker... now destroying...


"She is too weak to fight back...too heavy to face another self-rage...so she wipes out the signs of unison...in ways to ensure it's existence is never believed...so she tears off a million pieces and throws each with a curse… a curse of her self being...and she does it for us to celebrate.. her agony.. her pain "

The sky was falling...
You grew sucking her blood...
The sky was falling...
You misunderstood...